|Contemplating life with "Blackout" the chicken|
You may have noticed I haven't been blogging for the past couple months. I've been going through the process of reevaluating where to spend my time and energy. Having a creative business is fantastic most of the time. But when you take a look at your time/energy spent vs. what's in your bank account, it can sometimes be a little disheartening. Doing my taxes this year is what made me reflect on why I'm doing Deeds & Petunia and what I want to get out of all this.
But veils and fascinators are not my passion and I got pretty burned out. It wasn't a mistake (it was anything but a mistake), but it wasn't fun or flexible anymore. I found myself counting sales instead of counting all the accomplishments, all the great connections I've made, all the creative growth. I wanted to move away from wedding accessories and into writing and blogging, and working on becoming more of a creative resource for people. But I felt like I had no wind in my sails - I couldn't do what it takes to basically start from scratch again.
I knew it was time to take a break.
So of course, I started Real Estate School. (?!?!)
Which I really enjoyed. I knew I would be good at it. The money was tempting. And I do love the thrill of making a sale. But my heart was not in it. It's not what I'm "called" to do. I'm not sure it would provide me with the job satisfaction I desire. Maybe it was a mistake. Yeah, probably. I didn't want to quit because of the whole failure thing and I didn't hate it. Sigh. So now I'm feeling a little lost.
Ultimately, my big question in life right now is, if I'm going to spend time and energy on a business, what is the most satisfying way to do it? The most meaningful? The most lucrative? Should I just go work at Starbucks? (probably no.) It's stressful. I don't want to make another mistake.
|Maybe I could intern?|
Frankly, I don't know what I'm seeking. I remember the simple feeling of satisfaction I get when I create something beautiful. Or when I get to write up a tutorial and someone says "thank you!" feels great. Having my work published feels super AWESOME. People don't respond often on the blog or my Facebook page (maybe I'm not as interesting as I previously thought), but when they do, I feel connected and so happy to bring a smile to someone else's face (at least that's what I like to think you're doing. Smiling.) I like that a lot. :)
Thanks for reading.