Deep Thoughts and Creative Ruts.

Contemplating life with "Blackout" the chicken

Mistakes are hard.  I know the saying "you learn from your mistakes" all too well.  I'm starting to feel like a pro at making mistakes. I'm one of those people who's not afraid of jumping in and trying something.  "You'll learn as you go" is another, and I do.  But there isn't much comfort in those words when something doesn't work out.  Disappointment, shame, failure aren't easy to overcome.

You may have noticed I haven't been blogging for the past couple months.  I've been going through the process of reevaluating where to spend my time and energy.  Having a creative business is fantastic most of the time.  But when you take a look at your time/energy spent vs. what's in your bank account, it can sometimes be a little disheartening. Doing my taxes this year is what made me reflect on why I'm doing Deeds & Petunia and what I want to get out of all this.

My priorities.

My two kids are my #1 priority, of course.  I am so lucky to be able to be here for them and take an active role in their lives as a stay-at-home mom.  I truly believe in the long run it will make a difference.  But they go to school all day and I get bored easily.  Deeds & Petunia started on a whim when I found a bunch of really great vintage trims and notions at an estate sale and I thought "I could sell these online, I bet."  That endeavor to make a little extra money and cure my boredom sparked a fire of creativity in me, and before I knew it I was crafting up a storm.  A friend suggested I try my hand at veil and fascinator making.  It worked out pretty well and I would say I was a fairly successful seller on Etsy for a while.  As a start-up micro-business, I had a positive cash flow in the first two years.  I found great validation in feeling like I was doing something right.

But veils and fascinators are not my passion and I got pretty burned out.  It wasn't a mistake (it was anything but a mistake), but it wasn't fun or flexible anymore.  I found myself counting sales instead of counting all the accomplishments, all the great connections I've made, all the creative growth.   I wanted to move away from wedding accessories and into writing and blogging, and working on becoming more of a creative resource for people.  But I felt like I had no wind in my sails - I couldn't do what it takes to basically start from scratch again.

I knew it was time to take a break.

So of course, I started Real Estate School. (?!?!)

Which I really enjoyed.  I knew I would be good at it.  The money was tempting.  And I do love the thrill of making a sale.  But my heart was not in it.  It's not what I'm "called" to do.  I'm not sure it would provide me with the job satisfaction I desire.  Maybe it was a mistake.  Yeah, probably.  I didn't want to quit because of the whole failure thing and I didn't hate it.  Sigh.  So now I'm feeling a little lost.

Ultimately, my big question in life right now is, if I'm going to spend time and energy on a business, what is the most satisfying way to do it?  The most meaningful?  The most lucrative?  Should I just go work at Starbucks? (probably no.)  It's stressful.  I don't want to make another mistake.

Maybe I could intern?

I think I'm walking through one of those valleys where you have to just trust that God knows where you are supposed to be.  I'm trying different paths to find my way up that mountain again where I'll feel like I'm on top of the world.  I think it starts with looking at where I've been and not taking that for granted.  I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was sit down and blog.  This feels like something.

Frankly, I don't know what I'm seeking.  I remember the simple feeling of satisfaction I get when I create something beautiful.  Or when I get to write up a tutorial and someone says "thank you!" feels great.  Having my work published feels super AWESOME.  People don't respond often on the blog or my Facebook page (maybe I'm not as interesting as I previously thought), but when they do, I feel connected and so happy to bring a smile to someone else's face (at least that's what I like to think you're doing.  Smiling.)  I like that a lot.  :)

Linus...

 If you pray, keep me in your prayers.  I'm so scared of making another mistake, that I've lost my courage and don't know what my gut is telling me to do anymore.  But I'm going to keep on blogging.  It feels like the only thing I can really do at this point.  Some of it might be about crafting, but you might also have to read a lot about Linus my cat, or my ovaries (which are testy lately) or 80's pop music.  It'll probably be mostly for me for a while, so I don't know if you'll even find it interesting, but if you do, let me know.  It will help keep me going until I figure things out.  There might even be a nugget of inspiration in there somewhere (for both of us.)

Thanks for reading.

Big Changes. What's New for 2012

2012 brings on lots of unexpected changes for me.  I have been making veils and hair accessories by hand for the last year and while I enjoy owning an Etsy shop and selling handmade, I know it's time for a change.  Late last summer Etsy made changes to their searchability, and I watched my steady sales suddenly and completely drop off.  I did what I could to try to make my shop more visible (following all the Etsy-endorsed suggestions...), but nothing seemed to help.  In my opinion, this change "leveled" the playing field for the top sellers and the bottom sellers, but the folks in the middle seemed to be left scrambling.  Rather than spend the time trying to figure it out, I found myself feeling like giving up, which is normally not part of my character.

I did some soul searching and realized that my heart was no longer in my products.  I loved the shop owner aspect, but not the day-to-day assembly line of veils.  The passion of making was nowhere to be found when I was cranking out seven of the same hair pieces a day, every day, five days a week.  What I really loved was growing a business and the creative doors it opened.  I loved making sales, promoting, writing and photographing items and connecting with customers and fellow sellers.  My online shop was a jumping off point to do all the things I really love - the blog, the diy's, the photo shoots, the event styling, the writing, the creative contributions.  The drop off in sales turned out to be a good wake up call and a good kick in the behind to put my creative abilities to work elsewhere. 

So I've decided it's time to pursue these other creative avenues more fully since that is where my heart currently resides.  I'm not quite ready to fully quit the Etsy shop yet, I've instead decided to try and change what I sell for now, and becoming a slightly more passive maker/seller.  You'll now find patterns for my three of my best selling items - the classic birdcage veil pattern, the classic birdcage veil kit in white (which includes the materials), and the feather fascinator headband.  All include detailed instructions, tips and suggestions on where to find the materials, tips on how to wear, and lots and lots of clear photos for each step.  It's a way to sell a my designs and enable others to feel the satisfaction that comes from creating it yourself.  I'm testing the waters and if all goes well, I might put up a few more.  I hope you'll recommend them to your crafty engaged friends!!!

I'll keep you posted on what's next as exciting things start happening.  I'm very excited to announce that I'll have my first article published in one of my favorite publications next month!  It's a secret though, so you'll have to wait and see what it is... ;)  Spring brings the 3rd annual Northwest Vintage Wedding Fair, which I am happy to be a part of planning again this year.  Along with that comes another inspiration zine, which I am more than stoked to put together again!  Tacoma Is For Lovers is also going to be happening the Sunday before Valentine's Day, and I'll be there selling some cute vintage slips, vintage repurposed clothing and some handmade accessories. 

Today my plan is to enjoy the snow and snuggle up with my kids for some pizza and a movie this evening.  Sometimes being your own boss is the best!